Thought of hatred
by vampire princess33
Summary: Zai watches Oz play and he thinks about his hatred for him; his hatred for Jack.


**A/N: Zai is such a jerk for hating Oz. Even though I kind of understand him after I read the last chapters published, I still want to punch that stupid scarred face of his.**

**In this fic I had thought it fits better if it isn't Oz-centered but instead Zai and then Gil watch Oz and narrate the story.**

**Rated T for child abuse.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts.**

Thoughts of Hatred

Zai looked at him, that loathsome thing he hated.

He had been sitting at his study the whole morning following his arrival to the Vessalius mansion. It felt strange to return to his mansion after all this time he had spent away, being too busy to even consider visiting his family.

His family... It was such a simple word and yet it triggered so much bitterness and spite inside Zai.

He stood abruptly up, pushing his comfortable armchair with the high back away from his huge maogani desk.

Zai strode towards the big arched window and pushed the heavy velvet curtains that blocked the sunlight away.

It took his eyes some time to adjust to the sudden brightness after staying so many hours in the dim darkness of his study, but Zai already knew the scene that would await him.

Through the window and down the big garden of the mansion, three children were playing and running happily around the lawn, their laughter reaching his study at the third storey.

Oz was the leader of the their childish games, and he was holding little Ada by the hand while Gilbert, the dark-haired servant boy followed them close behind.

They all seemed so happy and carefree- especially Oz- and Zai's hands clenched into fists, gripping the ledge of the window.

Rage had clouded Zai's mind, obscuring every rational thought.

That boy, that filthy abomination he was forced to call his son did not deserve to have an existence much less have fun and be happy.

Over the years, Zai had to remind himself that his own son was dead, his fate had been sealed the moment Zai met the child-Jack's laughing green eyes, and that Oz was nothing but a despicable Chain.

Not a human, not someone worh the gift of life and happiness, not someone who deserved to be able to love and be loved.

Those spiteful, full of hatred thoughts had been seared deep into Zai's mind just like his scar was permanetely seared across his face.

Oz could never be anything more than a detestful and petty existence and Zai had never let himself feel even a pinch of love or caring towards this boy that didn't belong to the world of humans and wasn't really _anywhere_ to be found.

Zai suddenly felt enraged and as if there wasn't enough space for him in the room.

He grabbed his hat and his cane and stormed out of the study, his destination forming into his mind before he could consciously think about it.

Zai got out of the mansion's huge double doors, slamming them hard against the wall as he headed towards the garden, his pace fast and his strides long and arrogant.

The sound of laughter and children voices shouting happily greeted him when he reached this particular part of the garden he had been watching from his study's window.

Zai's eyes fixed darkly on Oz and to his morbid pleasure he watched the boy pause suddenly and look at Zai with fear and astonishment in his eyes.

Ada and Gibert stopped playing tag and there was absolute silence when they warily approached Zai.

Oz was trying to hide his astonishment at seeing the man with the hat lowered to his eyes so as to hide the hideous pale scar on his face in the garden.

''Master'', the servant boy stummered, but Zai's attention was turned exclusively to Oz.

Zai felt a hatred he was supressing for years come to the surface, unstoppable and catastrophic like a tidal wave.

The sight of Oz's wide green eyes; Jack's eyes made him sick.

Everything was Jack's fault, the death of Zai's wife, his real son that was stillborn, Oz's hateful existence. Everything.

'' Father'', Oz, that thing, started to say, and this single word uttered by those lips made Zai completely lose his mind.

He raised his hand, feeling his rage overmustering and then hit Oz on the face, supressing his disgust for having to touch that thing and sending him on the ground with a dull thud as his body collapsed.

Zai stood above him, and hit him furiously with his cane for one last time.

''You are no son of mine, you filth. Do you hear me?'' he yelled.

When his fit of rage was vaporised, Zai was panting. He fixed his hat that had slipped out of place and started to walk away without paying a second glance on Ada who had clasped her small hands on her mouth and the young servant boy who knelt above the blond boy, pleading him to stand up.

**xxx**

Gil was on the verge of tears.

Oz had sat up and was now hugging his legs close to his body, curling into a small ball as if that way he could somehow diminish the pain Gil knew he was undoubtedly feeling.

''Young master...'', Gil whined as Ada came from behind and tightly hugged Oz. He didn't seem to notice.

Oz's gaze was distant as if he was looking at something far away only he could see and and Gil thought that the pain seemed to overflow from his heart and make those bright green eyes look dull and tired.

Oz hid his face in his hands, but he seemed to reconsider it when Gil hovered worriedly around him.

''I'm fine Gil. Really.'', Oz said, and he gave Gil an empty, fake smile that didn't reach his eyes.

'' Father is right and it is not his fault. I deserve it. I deserve everything he does or says.''

Gil felt torn. A part of him just wanted to run after Zai and demand why he hated Oz so much. However the most rational part of his brain told him that if Gil did it, afterwards Oz would be sad and in even bigger pain.

So Gil just knelt besides Oz and tried to look him after as best as he could.

What made his heart ache the most was how Oz would always blame himself for Zai's cruel and contemptful attitude. It was almost as if Oz's thought took a self-destructive turn every time this happened.

After a while Oz stood up, slowly and unsteadily at first. He plastered a smile on his face that seemed genuine enough, brushing away Gil's concerns with a laugh and taking Ada into his arms, but Gil knew Oz too well.

Oz always seemed to force himself to be happy, and that was what he did now as well.

**A/N: what do you think you guys? don't you just hate Zai? review please.**


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